Best craigslist posting ever
Posted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 8:22 am
> > Unbelieveably fantastic!!!!! I hope it's a real letter and it really was
> > posted on Craig's list.........of course, we can always hope his Momma
> > will clean his clock for him.......you just never know..........but it's
> > a good story.......
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown last Tues.
> > (Downtown, Kansas City,Mo. )
> >
> > I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that
> > you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my
> > girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope
> > you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
> >
> > I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I
> > drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the
> > jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You
> > see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for
> > Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that
> > evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when
> > pointed at your head, isn't it?
> >
> > I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun
> > walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping
> > about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up
> > leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you
> > calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I
> > took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed
> > in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself
> > some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over
> > by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I
> > threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.
> >
> > I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your
> > cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones.
> > Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a
> > little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope
> > they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some
> > threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.
> > Oh well.
> >
> > So, about your pants. I know that I was a little
> > rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like
> > to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd
> > like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you
> > used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder?
> > I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you
> > walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice
> > of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this
> > message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace! -
> > posted on Craig's list.........of course, we can always hope his Momma
> > will clean his clock for him.......you just never know..........but it's
> > a good story.......
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown last Tues.
> > (Downtown, Kansas City,Mo. )
> >
> > I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that
> > you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my
> > girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope
> > you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
> >
> > I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I
> > drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the
> > jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You
> > see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for
> > Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that
> > evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when
> > pointed at your head, isn't it?
> >
> > I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun
> > walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping
> > about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up
> > leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you
> > calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I
> > took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed
> > in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself
> > some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over
> > by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I
> > threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.
> >
> > I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your
> > cell. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones.
> > Alltel recently shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a
> > little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope
> > they haven't permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some
> > threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.
> > Oh well.
> >
> > So, about your pants. I know that I was a little
> > rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like
> > to make it up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd
> > like to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you
> > used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder?
> > I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you
> > walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice
> > of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this
> > message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace! -
